Survival Mode

For a long time, I have been in survival mode. It wasn't that I planned to live this way, but it happened. And I wasn't really aware of it, until God let me see something new about myself.

 

If we let Him, God will not leave us the way we are.

 

As some of you know we were fasting last week until Friday. It has been a few days now and He is still pruning - leaving me feeling like "Will there be anything left of me when He is done?". I have fasted before but this time was different. First, I didn't really want to do the fast. In previous fasts that I have done, God gave me a real desire to do it. Previously, I really wanted to fast. This time though, I knew God was asking me to fast, but I didn't really want to.

 

I don't know about you, but when I don't want to do something I can have a bad attitude about it and make sure that everyone knows - because I complain and whine about it. But I had a friend pray that my attitude would change before we started (Thanks Kristin), and now looking back, God is showing me that is what the enemy does, he takes something that God intends for our good and makes it all about us. "How is this 'thing' going to make me feel?" "Will I even like it?" God tells us not to rely on our feelings, but to have faith and walk in obedience; no matter what the situation or how WE feel about it. I am learning that this is a heart issue of what is still in my heart for my own self-preservation. Thankfully, my attitude did change before we started our fast. This was a fast for God to do some much needed pruning so He will get the most glory during our trip and going forward.

 

The second lesson that I learned was furthering my reliance on Him and others. God continues to draw me closer and is teaching me that I have to CHOOSE to rely on Him and others instead of self-reliance. This fast was harder than the ones I have previously done. I was hungry more and had to rely on others to pray for me when I didn't think I could go on. Also, I had to rely on God to focus my attention on Him and what He wanted. Again, God is pruning out self-centeredness, dying to my own agenda and my own happiness. There are things we are called to do that we might not want to do and might not bring us happiness, but they are things God desires us to walk through. To bring us closer to him, the perfector of our faith.

 

So I am praying 'Father, please give me the desire to be obedient no matter what the circumstance and to have the right attitude as I walk through it. Not to just survive, but to let God do the work to prune me to become all that He wants me to be.'

 

Because, after all, it's not about me anyway!